little baby in my belly has been dubbed "the nunuBaby" by his/her father. i don't really like it but i'll deal. i'm not even in the second trimester and i'm already setting rules for shit that IS NOT going down when this baby is ready to arrive. i guess they think because you're having a baby you're in another world and you're not really paying attention to what's going on, people feel it's okay to step over the line and just violate you in all kinds of ways.

first, there will be no one hanging out near my pussy area with their goddamn cell phones and spiffy ass digital cameras taking pictures and texting people. what the fuck are you doing? "oh, this is so gross and so awesome at the same time!" motherfucker, it's my vagina! it's still a private part of my body. and hell the fuck no you cannot "take a peek" to see if anything new has happened. assholes. oh, and Jay, it is so inappropriate to tell your wife how big her ass looks in the middle of delivery. the only reason i didn't snatch your ass bald then was because i'd already spent an hour trying to rip off the rails on the bed and i couldn't lift my arms anymore. you're welcome.

if you are not delivering my baby, you cannot come in my room checking shit and charging me a gang of money cause you looked at a fucking monitor. i didn't ask you to check my blood pressure. who the fuck are you? i remember at least 2 nurses coming in to "check [my] epidural." bitch, i don't have an epidural; i'm gangsta like that. and even after insisting i didn't have an epidural, i was mocked. "teehee, it's just the drugs talking." a teeheee hell. i will cold cock your ass back to that nurse's station. do you even work here?

i'm taking a baseball bat with me just in case there's a marathon of court shows on tv. Jay is way too into that shit. there is a creature inside me trying to destroy my insides. no, for real, i feel like i'm about to take the biggest shit ever known to man and you're just gonna sit there watching tv, laughing your ass off at those imbeciles getting divorced because homeboy made his wife clean his shoes with a toothbrush. i will destroy every tv in that fucking hospital.

and i'm getting an epidural.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:48 PM | |