i feel old. i have never looked forward to 9:00pm so much since i became a mom. at this point, i don't even care if ava's awake at 9, i'm taking my ass to bed. that little girl has worn me out; she's such a busy little person. always into something.

my niece spent the weekend with us and i took her shopping for everything she needed for school. i still can't get over this kid being 8 years old in the 6th grade. she's way too smart for her age. anyhoos, i did not know it was tax-free weekend along with the weekend before the start of school, so everybody and their mama was out shopping. ugh. i already can't stand people just because i think most people are stupid, but the very second i became a mom, i became a germaphobe. don't touch me. don't breathe near me. don't even look at me. i am not trying to get that swine flu. oh, the swine flu. three people at Jay's work got that shit and i thought we were all going to die. i should have stock in lysol and clorox with all the cleaning and disinfecting that was done around here. but i digress.

back to shopping. there was a time when i enjoyed shopping. trying on clothes, looking at myself all pretty-like in the mirror, frivolously spending my husband's money. i don't really like it anymore. nope. not when i have to shop with an 8 year-old smart-mouth know-it-all on one side and a 10 month old getting into all kinds of shit on the other. "ooh, tia, that is not her size. she knows better than coming out in public wearing too little clothes. her mama should whoop her ass." "tia, the little girls' section is over there. why do we have to be in the baby section when she already got new clothes at home? i thought we were supposed to be shopping for ME."

and ava-marie. not only does she have to say "hey" to everyone that passes her but she will raise all up and out of her stroller and yell "HEY!" until you wave or answer back to her. she's also a little klepto. almost everytime we left a store, i got beeped at or stopped by security because that child had put something in her stroller and had the nerve to get pissy with me when i gave back the STOLEN item. i still don't know how she was getting all that shit!

finally, after 4 hours of that fuckery, we headed home. my niece promptly popped in her spongebob dvd, ava had her sippy cup and her blankie, and put on that new maxwell. i just knew both of them would fall asleep before i even pulled out of the parking lot. and they did. i'm cruising along, home is just a couple of miles ahead and i'm imagining how good a long warm bath and my new silk pajamas are gonna feel, when ava starts wailing like i've never heard before. i knew something was wrong but i couldn't pull over because there's nowhere to stop along the road we live. i tried to coach my niece on what to do to calm her down but nothing worked. when we get home, i didn't even pull into the garage, i just jumped out of the car to see what was wrong. as soon as i lifted ava from the car seat, she threw up all over me. some pasty, lumpy, sour, sticky crud. it was like nothing i'd even seen before. that silly niece of mine went screaming in the house "JAY, THE BABY'S DYING! YOU GOTTA GO HELP MY TIA!" it's so fucking hilarious when i think about it now, but it freaked Jay the fuck out, especially since he had been drinking. but like the awesome husband/daddy he is, he comes running out "what the hell happened?!" i'm just like 'ugh, do you not smell me right now?' after he took ava in, i looked around the back seat to see what the hell could she have possibly eaten to make her sick like that so fast. all she had was that apple juice and a small piece of a soft pretzel earlier. then, i saw the pack of gum i'd bought for my niece on the floor with a nice chunk of cardboard package bitten from it. thankfully, she threw it all up just as fast as she'd eaten it. and i was really proud of myself for not freaking out and making the whole situation a lot worse, cause i have a tendency to do just that.

it's those moments when i have to step up with my A-game i feel like i'm not doing such a terrible job as mom.

i'm so ready for bed.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:33 PM | |