well, my 2009 was pretty damn awesome. my littleface was a happy, screaming, and kicking littleface. my hubby was a wheelin and dealin money-makin' machine. and i was just sitting back taking it all in. 2010 will hopefully be that and much more. we've got a new kicker and screamer in the house...doing a lot more screaming than kicking though. yes, kylie nicole, li-li, has arrived. a few weeks early, but this kid is definitely packing a punch at 4 pounds, 11 ounces.

things are just fucking crazy around here. there's no other way to describe it. just. fucking. crazy. i'd almost forgotten how demanding a newborn can be. and they poop nonstop! i mean, really, who shits that much? i'm like, dude, you didn't even eat just now. you're shitting just to fuck with me. i've got tons of help though. Jay's home on double daddy duty. HILARIOUS.

my mom AND my mother in law are here "helping." i'm just here trying to figure out what the hell is going on. just today, i put Li down for a nap and went to pump. i don't know what the fuck happened from the time i put her in that bassinet til i walked over to the chair. i just know i woke up drenched in breast milk and two huge hickeys on the side of my boob and lits looking up at me all pissed waving her sippy cup around "DOOCE, MAMA! I WAN' DOOCE!"

i'm thinking 'how y'all just let me sit her sleeping with my titty hanging all out and not give this child her juice?! i know y'all saw. and i know i wasn't the first person lits came to asking for her motherfucking juice. this kid is too smart for that. she knows to go to the person closest to the juice to ask for her goddamn juice. where the fuck is all this help assholes were talking about putting in?'

oh, but i have no complaints. i have my two wonderful girls here at home exploring each other. li-li is looking at lits like 'bitch, there's a new baby in town. two step. asap!' and lits is like 'bitch, please. you're the understudy. i'm the motherfuckin princess!'

i'm thinking once this kid can hold her head up on her own, it's a motherfucking war. lits is packing is heat and li-li got the switchblade. it's just a matter of who's quicker on their feet.

they're so adorable though. i'm all googly-eyed ready for the next one...just as soon as my nether regions stop flooding. no, i'm lying. a bitch like me is about buy trojan, durex, rough riders, all of them condoms ,stock. mimi ain't having no more babies any time soon. lits is trying to make me read curious george for the 3,678,188,295th time and li-li is looking at me like 'bitch, why you trippin' with the titty time? i'm hungry. cut the bullshit.'

a little jack daniels won't hurt. just a little shot.

happy new year!
--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:37 PM | |