i think for the first time, ever, i truly understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed.

• i have a two year old with chronic ear infections



• i have an almost-one year old who seems to be teething every damn month



• i'm almost 8 months pregnant with a little boy (who's already 7lbs, by the way) that does not understand my innards need a break from his relentless kicking and punching to get out...but it would be so awesome if he and lee have the same birthday.


• my husband is out of town almost every other week while i'm dealing with all of this shit

i am so stressed right now. since ava's had so many ear infections (my poor little woman), her doctor wants her to have tubes put in her ears. so, not only am i having to make these health care decisions on my own, my baby is having surgery, AND there's a good chance her daddy won't be there when she has the surgery. [insert asthma attack here].

AND THEN! ava has become quite the little smart ass. she is well aware of the fact that her daddy lets her do whatever the fuck she wants and she lets me know every chance she gets. for instance, whenever i tell her it's time for her to do something she doesn't want to do, like picking up her toys, getting ready for bed, time for nap, her response? "i want my da-da." or if i tell her something she doesn't want to hear, like, 'no, bug, you can't have anymore juice", "no more gabba", she stomps off around all over the house in every room and starts yelling out "Da-da....Da-da....DA-DA?!?!?!" girl, you know yo daddy ain't here.

homegirl doesn't know if she was two feet taller or eight years older, she'd be six-feet under.

and Jay, the love of my life, when he is home, undermines ev-er-y-thing i do. for the most part, the girls are on a pretty consistent schedule. i don't force anything [except the amount of tv], but they're pretty predictable [which i absolutely LOVE]. naps, food, tantrums. you can pretty much time them all.

Jay wakes them up from naps if he comes home from work early. he lets them have more than the usual amount of everything; he keeps them up late at night; tv is on until they go to sleep; and then he leaves me solo to deal with the fallout. i let him get away with it simply because he is at work all day and i know he misses them, they miss him, and he wants to make up for them time that he's gone. but fuck with me a spoon! i count on them staying on schedule so i can get shit done.

i'm also really irked by the fact that when i was pregnant with the girls, Jay waited til the last minute to get the nurseries done. when he found out this one was a boy, he finished the nursery in....i don't know 2 weeks when i was 6 months along. DISCRIMINATION!

oh, snap! the crucible is on.

i think i've adjusted to the traveling but i'm still pissed at the fact that his job is well aware of my pregnancy and when i'm due and they're still sending him away all. the. time.

ugh, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.

hmmm...i don't know. i've always kinda been anti-nanny, but i know i'm gonna need at least some part-time help once the little one arrives. it's either nanny or daycare for ava, which i know i couldn't handle for very selfish reasons. i don't like my babies being away from me AT ALL.

ew. heartburn.

i'm just....overwhelmed. i feel like i'm doing everything on my own. i know if Jay could be here and do more, he would but he can't and i can't help but to resent him for that. so at the end of the day, i feel like a failure as a mom, a wife, and human being altogether.

who's idea was it to have all of these damn babies?

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:55 PM | |

-i wish men could get pregnant just once in their lifetime so they could experience all the weird-nasty shit in their dicks that women have to with their vaginas. this is where you stop reading if you don't want to read about how my giney feels and looks like a tube of astroglide just exploded in it.

-every now and then, i think about going back to school for my masters and actually pursuing a career. but then, i look at these little faces that i can.not.stand. to be away from for more than a few hours a day and i'm like, 'fuck that shit.' kylie, lee-lee as her big sister calls her, and ava, or AHH! as her little sister calls her, are my life. if i wasn't a stay-at-home-mom, i wouldn't be able to kiss them all in their little faces until their like 'FUCK, STOP KISSING ME! I CAN'T BREATHE!!' and i couldn't spend every morning in bed with my girls laughing and singing and bouncing around in our pj's after daddy leaves for work. no middle of the day conversations with ava about how good little girls don't lie on the floor with their legs all in the air drinking out of their sippy cup when they're wearing a dress. i mean, when you're wearing shorts or pants, it's cool but you can't be having your business all out like that when you're in a dress. i wouldn't get to wrestle with kylie when she's ready for a nap and flat out REFUSES to go to sleep. and they way ava just lights up and starts break-dancing when i bust out with the gabba.

it's not always easy. ava can be a pretty defiant 2 year old. seriously, ava? you're just gonna knock shit over because i wouldn't let you color on MY page? girl, please. and kylie? can i please have one day, ONE DAY, without you shittin' in the tub? does sitting in water really make your bowels that fucking loose that you can't hold it until i get a fucking diaper on your little ass? geez. i gets no respect. and all these damn playdate requests that i only show up for once a month because i can't stand other people's sickly, bad ass kids, and because i'm a flake, which makes me an asshole so all the other moms are talking cash money shit about me on the regular AND STILL inviting me and my babies to this shit. bitches don't know i'm an O.G. i will kill you.

-my husband is truly my soulmate. i am madly, head-over-heels in love with this man. i have to be. man has got me straight up living like a duggar wife. i have been pregnant since 2006. pregnant w/ zoe '06-'07; pregnant w/ ava: '08; pregnant w/ kylie: '09; pregnant w/ baby BOY: '10. when you gon' let my uterus breathe, son?
i've known this man for almost 20 years and we're still learning new things about each other. who the fuck hates the smell of pine-sol and how did i not know this about him until 2 weeks ago? me: "i don't like the way your flaccid dick feels?" him: "well, i don't like it when you clean with pine-sol. it makes me wanna shit all over you."
first, i laughed so fucking hard when he said this that i pissed myself a little.
second, WHO THE FUCK HATES PINE-SOL?!
but anyhoos, i love this man so much it hurts my heart. when i first having feelings of "like" for him, i would get this knot in my chest and my stomach whenever i was around him. i still get that feeling when i'm with him. somehow, he always knows what to say when i don't know what i need to hear. it always makes me day when he comes home with flowers "just 'cause." i know that i can always be who i am around him, no matter how irrational, illogical, or just outright fucked up i may be, without ever having to worry that he'll think less of me as a person. ride or die, homie. ride. or. die.

-my mom just called me to tell me that she was constipated all day. and then she went on to say, "hell, i don't fuck with them laxatives after that last incident [which resulted in my mom shitting on herself. yeah, for real, for real.] so i just put a glove on and got them little shit balls outta me. girl, you don't know how good i felt after i got all them bad boys out." oh, a mother's love....
--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:01 PM | |

i know i've been m.i.a. for a while but that's only because an almost-2 year old and an almost 8-month old terrorizing my life and an almost 5-month old fetus destroying my uterus because Jay does not remember how to pull. the fuck. out. so, my life consists of temper tantrums, poopy diapers, leaky tits, and vomit.

lits- demands juice every waking moment. her favorite word is 'fuck'. just like her mommy.
kylie- crawling. attempting to stand. probably the spawn of satan.
little nugget- heh. yeah. TOTALLY unplanned.
Jay- single handedly trying to destroy my entire reproductive system.
me- i'm a mom. and a wife. who just discovered that no one fucks with you when you break a couple of lamps when someone asks what's for dinner.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:23 PM | |

so, having 2 small kids turned out to be a pretty time consuming task, hence the lack of blogging. but i love every moment of craziness.

kylie: my little nugget. oh, i am so in love with her. just as cute as cute can get. that little girl nurses like a champ and it's finally starting to show. there was some concern initially about her weight as she was premature, but she's now gaining weight. so yay there. she's very much like ava was as an infant: hardly ever cries and loves to be cuddled and talked to. as long as she's fed and has someone to look at, she's fine. she's even sleeping well through the night. i've been lucky with both girls on that front. as with ava, her grandparents are spoiling her rotten.

ava-marie: my sweet littleface loves her little sister. i'm a bit surprised because i thought she'd have a difficult time with having a new baby around and all the attention not being focused on her. she likes to throw away diapers and tries her hardest to help with clothing kylie. she just can't figure out those damn socks. she even shares! the first day we brought kylie home, we were all sitting on the bed and kylie started to cry a little. ava immediately grabbed her sippy cup and scooted over to her baby sister and tried to give kylie her cup so she wouldn't cry anymore. and then i cried. actually, having a baby sister has kinda made her slow down quite a bit. before she was just everywhere, running into walls and doors and falling in deer shit [that's a whole other story for another time]. now, she's my little-big helper. she definitely has her moments though. there are some times when she gets a little jealous or she's not in the mood to play nice or she doesn't want to hear kylie crying. overall, she's adjusted very well.

jay: my wonderful husband. THIS MAN! he loves being a dad. he gets up in the middle of the night to get kylie when she's crying. he gets ava up and ready in the morning and they make breakfast together. he changes poopy diapers. when he sees that i'm getting overwhelmed, he'll take one or both of the girls and entertain them while i get some much needed rest. i never have to ask him to do anything; he just knows exactly what to do when it needs to be done. he's incredible. we're both dreading his return to work next week.

me: i just love being a mom. it does get a little chaotic sometimes. ava will want me to read a book while kylie needs to be changed and nursed and i just wanna go shower and pee without an audience. it's all worth it though. i wouldn't change a single thing.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:03 PM | |

well, my 2009 was pretty damn awesome. my littleface was a happy, screaming, and kicking littleface. my hubby was a wheelin and dealin money-makin' machine. and i was just sitting back taking it all in. 2010 will hopefully be that and much more. we've got a new kicker and screamer in the house...doing a lot more screaming than kicking though. yes, kylie nicole, li-li, has arrived. a few weeks early, but this kid is definitely packing a punch at 4 pounds, 11 ounces.

things are just fucking crazy around here. there's no other way to describe it. just. fucking. crazy. i'd almost forgotten how demanding a newborn can be. and they poop nonstop! i mean, really, who shits that much? i'm like, dude, you didn't even eat just now. you're shitting just to fuck with me. i've got tons of help though. Jay's home on double daddy duty. HILARIOUS.

my mom AND my mother in law are here "helping." i'm just here trying to figure out what the hell is going on. just today, i put Li down for a nap and went to pump. i don't know what the fuck happened from the time i put her in that bassinet til i walked over to the chair. i just know i woke up drenched in breast milk and two huge hickeys on the side of my boob and lits looking up at me all pissed waving her sippy cup around "DOOCE, MAMA! I WAN' DOOCE!"

i'm thinking 'how y'all just let me sit her sleeping with my titty hanging all out and not give this child her juice?! i know y'all saw. and i know i wasn't the first person lits came to asking for her motherfucking juice. this kid is too smart for that. she knows to go to the person closest to the juice to ask for her goddamn juice. where the fuck is all this help assholes were talking about putting in?'

oh, but i have no complaints. i have my two wonderful girls here at home exploring each other. li-li is looking at lits like 'bitch, there's a new baby in town. two step. asap!' and lits is like 'bitch, please. you're the understudy. i'm the motherfuckin princess!'

i'm thinking once this kid can hold her head up on her own, it's a motherfucking war. lits is packing is heat and li-li got the switchblade. it's just a matter of who's quicker on their feet.

they're so adorable though. i'm all googly-eyed ready for the next one...just as soon as my nether regions stop flooding. no, i'm lying. a bitch like me is about buy trojan, durex, rough riders, all of them condoms ,stock. mimi ain't having no more babies any time soon. lits is trying to make me read curious george for the 3,678,188,295th time and li-li is looking at me like 'bitch, why you trippin' with the titty time? i'm hungry. cut the bullshit.'

a little jack daniels won't hurt. just a little shot.

happy new year!
--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:37 PM | |

my ittle bittles,

although you will always be my baby, you have now become my little girl, my "bid-dirl". feeding yourself, putting on your own clothes [usually backwards or with a limb stuck in the wrong hole], peeing on the potty! where has the time gone??? it seems like yesterday you were this tiny, helpless little baby content with cuddling with me in the rocker for hours. now, you're a walking, talking little maniac!

major milestone this month: potty training. i was almost in denial about this time coming, but it was such an exciting event for all of us. we captured it all on tape and i'm totally gonna embarass you in front of your friends when you're older and get to talkin shit. although you like your potty, you prefer using the "real deal" because you get to flush and watch the peepee and booboo disappear. you haven't quite learned how to hold it when you're asleep, but daddy and i are very, very proud of you and latest accomplishment.

two "bad" words have entered your vocabulary. 'fuck' and 'shit'. i don't care what anyone says, you learned that shit from daddy. ;-)

you've definitely inherited my love for music and dance. you seem to really love lady gaga. whenever you're in one of your moods, i put on something upbeat and you just dance and laugh until you pass out. you also seem to share my love for handbags. you're so cute waddling around with my bags twice your size.

i've been setting you up on playdates so you learn how to interact and share with other kids; you're gonna be a big sister very soon and i want you to be prepared as much as possible. i know adding a new baby to our little family is gonna be a huge adjustment for you; it's gonna be huge for all of us. i just hope you know that i still love you more than there are stars in the galaxy even though i'm not gonna be able to give the same amount of attention when your little sister arrives. but i promise you that you will included as much as possible with this new addition.

oh, my sweet littleface. every time i look at you, i am so thankful to have you in my life. your beaming smile, your infectious laugh, even that pouty face you make when you're upset with me... i can't tell you what that does to me. my love for you grows more and more with each passing moment. sometimes, i get a little emotional watching you grow so fast right before my eyes, but i look forward to and treasure every bit of it.

momma loves ya, kid. and don't you fucking forget it.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:10 AM | |

so we've got another 6 or so weeks [give or take a couple weeks] before the little nugget makes her debut. while this has been by far the easiest pregnancy, i'm becoming more and more fatigued as the days pass. sometimes it's hard to keep up with lits' constant demand for attention. i think on some level she kinda gets that mommy can't do as much running around and playing anymore. if i'm sitting in the big lazyman chair with my feet propped up, she'll come over to rub my belly, lay her head on my shoulder, and cuddle with me. she's so much cuteness in a little package.

i'm glad the holiday season is almost over. i'm so over christmas and buying and wrapping gifts. days just seem so chaotic and rushed even when there's nothing going on.

we've pretty much got everything together for the new baby. we haven't needed to buy much because we already have so much for lits that was either hardly used or still brand new. since, there's no need for us to have a baby shower and everyone keeps asking when we're gonna have one, i've decided to just have a small party to celebrate the pending arrival of kylie nicole. the only gifts we ask for are diapers in various size and wipes. you can never have too many diapers and wipes. we were gonna turn one of the extra rooms into a nursery for kylie, but we're just gonna get lits her own "big girl" bed and see how it works out with having the two babies together in one room. *fingers crossed*

i've had my overnight bag packed since i was 5 months along but i unpack and re-pack it at least three times a week. OCD can be a big bitch sometimes.

oh, yay! pizza's here!
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:27 PM | |