the title has absolutely no relevance whatsoever to this post.
i'm exhausted from all the holiday hoopla.
i'm so glad that shit is over.

i made someone pee on himself yesterday. i didn't do it intentionally, as i'm still traumatized by the whole event myself. but apparently, people think stories about me falling off the toilet and marinating in my own urine is fucking hilarious and pants-pissing worthy.
goddamn sadists.

i'm really sick and tired of fast food workers giving me attitude when i ask for some hot and fresh french fries. how you gon' get a attitude with me, a paying customer, for asking you to do your fucking job, cooking some damn fries? bitch should be thankful i didn't come up in there asking for a spicy chicken sammich with cheese and tartar sauce and an apple pie oreo mcflurry again. don't fuck with me and my food or there's gonna be a problem. i am not beneath throwing a tantrum and spitting in anyone's face.

i've been having the weirdest dreams the past few nights. and for some reason, when i wake up i feel the need to smack the shit out of J. it's kinda odd cause the dreams never really have anything to do with him.
like, last night, i had this dream i was sitting on the floor in the beer aisle at kroger eating chips and salsa. i yelled at somebody to bring me some more sour cream and guacamole then somehow i ended up at disney world sitting on donald duck's lap eating a fudgesicle and talking about that bitch at the nail salon who cut my cuticles too low. he snapped at me for getting his costume all messy and right when we were about to throw down, goofy came over eating a smoked turkey leg. i was about to snatch that shit from him but i woke up and smacked the shit out of J. he pinched me and made me cry so i made him sleep downstairs. i thought the dream meant i was hungry but that's probably the first time i wasn't. i did have heartburn though. and that shit is no fun at all.

i can't put my legs behind my head anymore. i always end up looking like a turtle stuck on it's back. that reminds me: i can't do yoga anymore. it makes me gassy. and pregnant lady farts are not very pleasant.

i've been craving cheese and cigarettes a lot lately. cigarettes are an obvious no-no but i've been trying to stay away from the cheese cause it makes me constipated and i refuse to have hemorrhoids. it's just not happening for me though. almost everything i eat has cheese on it. but lucky for me, no hemorrhoids AND no stretchmarks. what? word to ya mutha.

we still don't have any furniture for the nursery. i was stressing over it, but you know what? baby girl won't even be in that stupid room for at least 2 months after she's born so we have plenty of time to get it furnished the way i want it.

oooh, i'm horny.
and J's in the shower.
with water glistenin all over his boooody.
i'm definitely hittin that.
like, now.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:27 PM | |