i think i forgot how to blog. this used to be really easy for me, but now, not so much.

i've been wanting to quit my job pretty much since the day i started. it's made me all kinds of miserable. Jay has been telling me not to because i'm not a quitter and he doesn't like quitters, but fuck that. he loves his job and doesn't have to deal with the shit i have to. i should not dread going to work every. single. day. the money's nice, but it's not like i need it. this job was just to keep me busy and kill some time. and i figured since i'd had experience working in one lab and loved it, one in a closely-related area couldn't be that much different. i don't think i could've been more wrong. and i'm sooooooo fucking over it. i've put in my 2 weeks notice, although i don't think they deserve that courtesy, and after that, i'm out of that place.

i have a birthday coming up. i'm kinda excited but not really. i just recently realized how much i DON'T look forward to "special days" anymore. i don't really know how to explain it, but i haven't been able to fully enjoy anything since losing Z. i don't wanna discuss it any more than that, but that's pretty much the gist of it.

despite having a job that sucks dick for pennies and the never-ending pains that comes from losing a child, i'm actually very happy. probably hard to believe given what i just wrote a few seconds ago, but i am. i don't remember a time where Jay and i got along as well as we do now. it's another one of those indescribable things. i honestly have no words for it. as an individual, i'm forever a tortured soul. with him, i'm alive and happy.

Labels: so random, work stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:27 PM | |