i've been kinda depressed this week.
depressed by disappointment.
i'm still really disappointed with Jay's lack of reaction to this past weekend's happenings, so rather than call him names and throw stuff at him, i've withdrawn a little. not that withdrawing makes it any better. i expect certain things from him and when he doesn't live up to those expectations, i don't really know what to do but get angry and disappointed.

i've been looking at the wedding pictures we managed to recover and i absolutely hate them. for one, i really do look white. and secondly, they look 10 times after Jay photoshopped them to make them appear "more clear and crisp". he should've just left them as is. ugh.

last night, i found out my sister had a "domestic dispute" with her husband that included him being arrested and spending the night jail. but the most fucked up thing about it, in my opinion, is finding out this wasn't the first time it's happened. my initial reaction was to call some people and have his kneecaps busted. but if she wants to stay with someone who beats her and have her kid go through the same shit we did when we were kids, that's her business. i'm not even going to attempt to help someone who doesn't want my help.

today was a little better since it was my first visit with the new doctor. i really hate filling out those "new patient" forms. why can't they just get all that stuff from my old doctor instead of making me write until my hand falls off? isn't it enough i have sit uncomfortably for 30 minutes because my bladder is about to explode and you assholes won't let me pee AND i'm having to reassure my husband every 5 minutes that it's perfectly okay that i picked another male doctor because he looks at all kinds gineys for a living so it's highly unlikely that he'll take a peek at mine and get a raging boner and molest me? "but what if he sticks his finger up there and he likes it? i've never put my finger in there and then said "no, not today" and walked away."

who gives a fuck? i have to pee!

anyhoos, all is well with the little one. new doctor is actually pretty fucking hot. but he's married. and his hair never moved.

since i won't the sex of the baby for a while, i'm calling him/her "peanut" cause that's what s/he looked like on the sonogram- a tiny little peanut. my little peanut. as cute and sweet as it was to see Jay get all emotional, it was also very funny. it's always funny when boys cry.

i'm due on or around october 15th....that seems like forever away. i don't really have any boy names in mind yet. and i don't wanna let Jay pick a boy's name because he'll pick his own name and i really hate the way it's spelled. it's so retarded.

i like Ava for a girl. or Taylor. or Peyton. see, girls are so much easier. i'm open to suggestions, but don't give me a name you plan to name your own kid in the future cause i'm more likely to steal it.

well, i need to go get dinner started.

xoxo

Labels: my love, new baby business, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:50 PM | |