i'm pretty sure this is the point at which i get really annoyed with being pregnant. if you think about it, women who carry their babies full term are pregnant nearly a whole year. one goddamn year! i had a little talk with Ava and i told her i would really appreciate it if she would pop out her little wiggly head at 36 weeks rather than 40+. i'm not sure if the kick that followed was an "okay, mommy. no problem." or a "bitch, please! i do what i want!" if this kid is anything like me, it's probably the latter. dammit.

i'm tired and frustrated and annoyed at everything and everyone for no real reason, making me a very, very unpleasant person to be around. a few nights ago, Jay and i went out to dinner and i wanted to cut off the balls of our server for asking if we were ready to order. "didn't i tell you we'd let you know when we were ready to order? did either one of us give you the little hand signal for you to come over and take our order? then, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY FACE ASKING IF I'M READY TO ORDER?"

yesterday, i went to Jay's office too meet him for lunch, but instead i knocked everything off his desk because he was taking too long on the phone trying to be all cute and shit while i was ready to leave and go get something to eat. and then he called me "sasquatch" and that just pissed me off even more so i pinched him and made him scream like a bitch so everyone could hear.

and just this morning, my cellphone rang and i was fucking livid. now, i need a new phone and i have no idea who was calling me. sorry,i'm building a baby and one of the side effects is that i become a raging bitch. oh well. 6 to weeks 10 to go. sucks for you.

i do believe there's a little hand trying to push it's way out of my belly. so, Ava says, "hi." the little weirdo.

oh, i meant to write about this last week but i forgot cause that's what i do. anyhoos, my niece called "to check on [me]." i really should tape the conversations i have with that little girl. she asked what i was doing and i told her i was getting ready to take a nap and she goes, "tia, that's all you do- take naps. you can't sleep all day. that's just lazy. you need to go outside and play or you gon' get fat like them fat kids and they don't be having no neck. fat with no neck, tia. do you hear me? do you understand what i just said? tell me what i just said, tia." and i pissed on myself from laughing so hard.

she does kinda have a point though.

Labels: new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:49 PM | |

we've been here 2 weeks now and the only rooms in the house completely finished are the kitchen and dining room #1.




is that bad? most of the rooms are halfway there- we're either waiting on new furniture to arrive or haven't quite figured out how to arrange it. our bedroom is a mess just because we have so many goddamn clothes and neither of us wants to organize that shit. of course, i'll end up doing it myself sooner or later.

oh, and here's a tip for people looking to buy a new home: view the house at least twice- once in the daytime and once at night. cause you know what? had i saw this place at night, i probably wouldn't have gone for it. this shit is creepy as fuck! for one, we're secluded and it's a good 5 minute walk before reaching the next house. secondly, there's a wooded area behind the house and lots of trees in the front yard so you can't see shit out there at night! and lastly, across the street [when you can see it] is a grazing area for some guy's cows and horses. [shot from the driveway]



oh, that shit is real cute in the light, but not when you're taking the trash out to the street and out of nowhere a cow gargles at you and you can't tell where exactly the cow is because you can't see shit! i'm not one for shooting cows all willy nilly, but i do make exceptions.

this weekend, Jay and i did get to meet some of our neighbors. they all seemed really nice. like, too nice. one of them offered to come help out when the baby arrives and offered their kids up for "practice". that's cute but bitch, i don't know you or your goddamn kids. they look like those evil motherfuckers from children of the corn. then there's this one chick. i haven't decided if i'm gonna call her gold digger or trophy wife. she's my age and married to some dude who looks old enough to be her granddad. *shudders* she's actually one of the first people i met when we first got settled in. we were both out jogging and she thought i was crazy for running while fat pregnant, but we're workout buddies now. she's really cute and sweet and will never ever be alone with my husband. i don't trust that whore but i need help getting off the floor and Jay won't let me get a personal trainer unless it's a gay man. i could go for that but the gays are really mean when it comes to helping you get in shape and i'm really sensitive right now. but yeah, i don't know how long i can contain my urge to ask that girl what it's like to have sex with someone that old. ewwwwww. it's just so nasty.

tomorrow is doctor day and from then on i have to go in every 2 weeks for a checkup. bleh. shopping for baby stuff is fun again. it doesn't even matter if we already have a dozen of something, if i see it in the store, i just can't resist and i have to buy something. especially onesies and baby socks. oh they're just so fucking adorable. and little headbands. it's just too much.

oooh, crazy food craving alert- scrambled eggs with cheese and ketchup. this baby LOVES ketchup. i hate ketchup. ketchup gives me heartburn. and i currently have indigestion because i ate waaaayyy too much at dinner. i made chicken in gravy, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, green beans, and a double-chocolate cake. yeah, i had 2 servings of each plus ice cream and a half-liter of mountain dew. i know it's terrible, but y'all just don't understand my love for the dew. one little indiscretion, that's all it was and i deserved it, dammit!

now, if only i didn't have to pee so much.

*the pictures are kinda crappy because i have a crappy camera. sue me.

Labels: new baby business, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:58 PM | |

i do. papers, glasses, aluminum. plastics are always difficult for me for some reason, but i'm getting better.

i told myself i was gonna get back to blogging regularly instead of just here and there. but i've been keeping this baby journal [hand-written. what?] and scrapbooking [the fuck?] so when i'm done with that, i just don't feel like pecking at these keys. plus, it's not like there's a lot going on. besides the whole house-buying thing and a baby on the way, i'm just a weeble who wobbles and sometimes i fall down. i'm that annoying friend who constantly gushes over her fantabulous husband and growing baby in her belly to the point that it makes you wanna choke a bitch.

speaking of my fantabulous hubby, i'm starting not to like him as much. he is ALWAYS grunting and griping about what i wear because he doesn't want other men looking at me.
'it's too short. it's too little. it's too low-cut. it's not long enough. are you wearing that out? your titties are too big for that. you're wearing heels? your pockets are longer than the shorts; i can almost see your naughty bits. you should really think about getting some maternity clothes.'

um, it's summertime.

YOU DID THIS TO ME! KISS MY FAT ASS!

besides, i don't know many men that find pregnant women attractive enough to take a second look or would even have the balls to hit on me. this big bump and duck waddle and one strand of hair growing out of my neck is all kinds of sexy.

i do keep it classy whenever i go see him at work. it's kinda weird......people there seem to like me. i'm not really used to that- people liking me. and i have to pretend i like them for Jay's sake. i keep it simple though. a smile. a hug here and there. but that's where it ends. don't be trying to rub my belly. i don't go for that. i think that one dude did grab my ass though. it's kinda hard to tell because sometimes that big ol' thing just gets in the way of a normal, friendly hug.

but anyhoos, next week is my 24 week checkup. the 6 month mark. knocking on the third trimester's door. and i feel like i've been pregnant forever. i'm not really looking forward to hearing how much weight i've gained or peeing in a cup or that horrible diabetes test thingy. the only good thing is the doc lets me hold the *magic stick* to hear the baby's heartbeat. honeychild's been doing some serious kicking lately so i'm hoping i can get a sonogram and catch her in action. i've asked for a sonogram every visit so i'm hoping by now the doc has just taken it upon himself to go ahead and schedule it.

whatcha doing for the 4th of July weekend? we're gonna take the boat out to the lake and barbecue and the boys are gonna take their shirts off and be all macho with their weenie fireworks. just gimme some food and a coupla juice boxes and i'm good.


hmmm.....lunchtime.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:53 AM | |

1. i plucked 7 random LONG hairs from my baawwdy. there was a hair growing out of my forehead. MY FOREHEAD! pregnancy side effect.
2. i tried some gold bond so my feet would stop sweating. it doesn't really work if you only wear flip flops. yes, my feet sweat even when i'm wearing flip flops. another pregnancy side effect.
3. i attempted to start packing up the nursery.....but i lasted only 30 seconds in the room before i had the urge to cry hysterically for 3 hours.
4. i've felt very overwhelmed with......life.
5. i've kinda been regretting not signing up for that micro.biology summer class. now i'm gonna have to wait until the spring to take it....if i even wanna take it then.
6. i came to the realization that i wasted 3.5 years in college. nearly 2 years after graduating, i still don't know what i wanna do with my life. don't judge me.
7. i dreamed about 'childbirth gone wrong' 2 nights in a row. it's very unsettling.
8. i had a moment with my husband. i wish i could put into words how much i love and adore that man.
9. i started working out again. i don't wanna have to invest too much time in losing baby weight. so i'm thinking if i can stay consistent now until whenever my doctor tells me stop, it won't be hard for me to get back to a routine after miss wiggles arrives. and my maternity workout clothes are so damn cute.
10. i bought new bras. again. i don't want big titties anymore.
11. i haven't napped as much as i usually do and *gasp* i'm not cranky.
12. my husband has come home almost every day this week for some afternoon delight. oh yeah, mama likes.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:04 PM | |

well, my fat ass is exhausted. i'd planned to spend the morning waiting impatiently by the phone to get the inspection results of our prospective home, eating, and then napping the rest of the day. instead, i was forced to do stuff because my husband is a douchenozzle.

time: this morning
place: the kitchen
what: typical conversation between me and my husband

Me: I found another stray hair. this time? it was on my tummy. right below my belly button.
Jay: Yeah, I thought I saw that last night.
M: And you didn't think that was something I needed to know?
J: Nope. Cause you get those tweezers and start poking and tweezing around for hours. And then you start tweezing my eyebrows. I don't like that.
M: I'm just makin' sure you stay pretty.
J: It's gay, Mimi. GAAAAYYYYY.
M: Yeah, and you spending an hour looking at yourself in the mirror isn't.....
J: You gotta respect the sexy, dollface. Respect the sexy. By the way, I need you to take the truck in for service at 9 o'clock.
M: This morning? For what?
J: It's due for an oil change and all that maintenance stuff.
M: Why are you always waiting 'til the last minute to tell me stuff like that? You know that's gonna take forever. Why can't you do it?
J: I have to go to work. It's not like you're doing anything else.
M: I'M MAKING A BABY!!! YOU DON'T DO SHIT!!!
J: Excuse me, use your inside voice. And I need you to go get food and drinks and stuff for the cookout.
M: *gasp* I WANT A DIVORCE!
J: YOU ALWAYS WANT A DIVORCE! SHUT UP!!
M: Don't yell at me.

so i had to sit at the stupid dealership for damn near 4 hours. gah, i can't remember the last time i was so annoyed and uncomfortable. i was annoyed at the fact that i had to be there to begin with. then, those cuntfaces had the tv on foxnews and after every fucking segment, this old lady would turn to ME and start giving me her loose change. if i want to hear your opinion, i'll ask for it; i'm trying to make a grocery list here. then she started asking about the baby and our plans and giving parenting advice. i really hate it when people do that.

and the chairs-- straight back with nearly no cushion. after an hour of that fuckery, i had to make one of the guys behind the desk give me his chair because i couldn't stand sitting in that bullshit. actually, sitting in shit would've been a helluva lot more comfortable. i was so glad to finally get out of that place. made me miss the young and the restless.

and then there was grocery shopping. as if gas prices going up every day weren't enough, now i gotta spend double the amount for the same quantity of food. i compared the amount i spent last month to this month's receipt and i spent almost $100 more on nearly the exact same items.

something just ain't right.
ugh.

by the time i made it home, i was ready to decapitate the next person who even blinked an eye in my direction. but then Jay called, and i always get all giggly when it's him no matter how pissed off i am, to tell me about the inspection of the house. everything is perfect. well, almost. the current owners have to install a new cooling unit thingy, but we already knew about that. so, now all that's left is all the legal stuff. i'm not exactly sure how long that'll take but i'm pretty sure July will be the month Jay and i are officially homeowners. i'm so excited i could piss my pants. *happy dance*

in case you didn't catch the name in the comments section of the previous post, we decided to name our little mama, Ava-Marie Taylor. i finally got Jay's seal of approval saturday night; although, i think alcohol and my really really good sex did the trick. i really liked the names Ava & Taylor but they didn't really mesh well. so, i was gonna go with Ava Marie [Marie in honor of my maternal grandmother, Maria] but i didn't feel like it had enough pizzazz. then Ava-Marie Taylor popped in my head and that was it. my little diva has her name now. my favoritest gayboy says it sounds like a drag queen's name, but all the queens i know are full of divalicious fierceness, so it's PERFECT!

now, we've just gotta get moved in our new house and get it ready for our little squishy's arrival.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:12 PM | |

it seems like forever since i last blogged and i haven't even been all that busy. well, i complain about how hot it is all the time. thank man for air conditioning.

let's see....oh, my doctor miscalculated my due date. the last 2 visits he was saying i was x-weeks along and i was like, 'umm, no' because i know exactly when this little bunny was conceived. it kinda irked me but i didn't really think much about it because it was only like a 2-week difference, but then this past visit, he was all 'oh, you're actually this far along. my bad.' and i was like 'yeah, i know. now, what if my husband was actually smart for a day and started thinking about the conception date and all that stuff? don't fuck up a happy home.'

speaking of homes, i think we've found our nest. it was the last place we looked at before Jay left for the week. 5 bedrooms, 6 baths. marbled foyer. like 4 fireplaces. HUGE kitchen. all kinds of goodness. i don't wanna jinx it, but tomorrow we're gonna make an offer and hopefully, they accept. *fingers&toes crossed*

i went to see my oldest sister in chicago for a few days while Jay was away. i'm pretty sure the only reason i bothered to go was because Jay was gone. i don't really like either of my sisters; we only tolerate each other. we only cussed each out a couple of times though. that's progress. the weather was nice. lotsa shopping. this one old dude thought we were twins. i thought that was kinda odd because i actually look more like my other sister than her and no one's ever said we look like twins. although, i do suspect he'd been hitting the bottle a little hard. oh, homegirl cannot cook. jeez. never have i ever. and i didn't particularly care for the way she cleaned the place. she's not dirt-nasty; she doesn't clean up to my standards of clean. it was a good visit though. it wasn't forced and we were both genuinely excited to spend time together. no one in my family seems to wanna let the whole eloping thing go, though. 6 months later and their still talking shit. ugh. let it go, people. let it go.

Jay came home this past saturday horny as a jack rabbit. no complaints there. we hardly left the bedroom the entire weekend. 'twas lovely. his birthday is this saturday so we're gonna go see ''the dark side of oz''. it's the pink floyd album ''the dark side of the moon'' played against ''the wizard of oz'' with awesome visual effects. word.

AvaBellaTaylor is currently rocking out to some Zeppelin. she doesn't have consistent levels of activity yet. it kinda worried me at first when i wouldn't feel any movements but i've got my handy dandy heart monitor to check up on the little one. some days, like today, she's active during the day. other days, she's really active at night. i kinda prefer all the moving about at night cause that's when i'm usually awake and that's how it was with Z. but that's just one of the many differences between this pregnancy and the one before. hello, titties.

i'm hungry as hell right now. i think it's gonna be a french fries and gravy night.

Labels: my love, new baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:18 PM | |

i don't think it's normal for someone to get sick as often as i do in a calendar year. it just ain't right.

i've started packing stuff up, getting ready for our big move. oh, no, we still haven't found a house; we're postponing our search until the end of the month when Jay's not traveling so much. i just have it in my mind that if i start preparing as if we're moving next week, things will magically fall into place, and when it really is time for us move, packing will be the least of our worries.

also, i've started nesting. and packing things away kinda combats my urge to clean every room and reorganize things over and over again and the urge to start decorating. i'm not even due until late september/early october and i've packed my overnight bag TWELVE TIMES in the past 2 days. it would probably be more than that, but we had a doctor's visit this morning. it's way too soon for me to be as anxious as i am, so i just know i'm gonna be a complete mess when august rolls around.

all is well with my little piggy. while scoping out her little tushy on the sonogram, i thought i saw a little penis and almost had a heart attack. it turned out to be her little thumb though. i guess she's getting an early start on that whole *self love*.

along with my lovely little cold, i've also been experiencing some ligament pains. i never had any of that shit while i was pregnant with Z, so it freaked me the fuck out when i first started having them. my first thought was 'something's wrong with the baby' and my thoughts just went downhill from there. i'm sure my doctor loved that 2am phone call. but the little one and i are trucking along just fine.

this pregnancy is sooo much different than when i was carrying Z, both physically and emotionally. Jay's parents appear to be putting forward great effort to mend fences with him and me [what?!]. they're lucky this baby is making me all nice and shit. no, seriously, i'm very happy Jay and his folks are getting along because it makes him happy. and i really want our kids to experience life with having both sets grandparents around to spoil them because that's something Jay and i never had. however, i'm somewhat indifferent when it comes to my own relationship with his parents. if a reconciliation happens, that's great; if it doesn't, that's fine too. but i'd be lying if i said it didn't make things just a little more easier for me.

ohmygoodness. Jay's birthday is just a little over 2 weeks away and i still have no freakin idea what to get him. we'd planned to go to bonnaroo, but he'll be in vegas and i just can't be fat, dirty, and sweaty for 4 straight days. although, if they'd gotten led zeppelin to play, i'd be there fat belly and all. hell, i'd show up all stank and dingy-lookin. but i digress.
i've pretty much ran out of ideas for gifts for my man. he always tells me he doesn't want anything, but i always do and he's like a 5 year old on christmas morning. any suggestions? bueller? bueller? bueller?

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:30 PM | |

another fun fun fun weekend. Jay was actually supposed to be gone for work for nearly a week, but those plans got scrapped, so i got to have him all to myself for the long weekend.

saturday, some fat bitch threatened to "break [my] little ass in half" at some kids' soccer game. the whole verbal exchange was actually pretty funny; i just don't get why fat chicks are always ragging on "skinny bitches". it's not my goddamn fault you don't know when to put down the twinkies and when to get your ass on a treadmill.

i didn't even wanna go to game, but one of Jay's co-worker's kids thinks Jay is god and kept asking him to come see the kid play and Jay can't say "no" to kids. fat girl started with all the fuckery long before we got there, but for some reason she zeroed in on me when we got there. "and look at this skinny bitch. looking like a damn twig with a balloon around her waist." and of course with me not being able to just shut up and ignore the shit, "at least it's a balloon and not the whole fucking circus, big nasty."

i need to stop fucking with fat bitches cause one of these days, i'm gonna catch a whole gang of those heifers and it's gonna be curtains for me. but until then, i'm still talking shit.

i guess homegirl wasn't expecting me to say anything back because she got all Fat Bastard telling me she's dead sexy and i'm jealous and she'd break me in half. um, you gotta catch me first, busted biscuit. it was really all fun and games until she said i had a weave. i put way too much time and energy in maintaining my hair for people to be assuming it's fake; i'm sensitive about my shit. so from that point on, i wouldn't let her get an insult in. every time she opened her mouth, i roasted her. from those lopsided, knock-off crocs to the whole pizza, 3 servings of nachos, and giant ass cup of DIET coke she devoured. FUCKERY. i've never shut up a big girl before. it made me feel all warm and tingly on the inside. i even got a little applause from the crowd too. when we were leaving, i told her to try not to have a heart attack and die on the way home. yeah, it was mean but she said i had a nappy weave and that's just crossing the line, lady. silky smooth, bitch. silky smooth.


sunday, we just vegged out and watched movies all day and night. well, the movies kinda watched us. between doing the hanky panky, napping, and fawning over the little one, we never made through a single movie. i think my favorite moment was my darling husband falling asleep with his hand on my belly, breathing on my neck when my little mama started to move around. it's those little moments i wish i could catch on film and look back and say "this is when everything about you was all sweet and innocent, before you turned mama's hair all gray." in a close-second was him telling me to take off my clothes and come to bed. heeeeyyyyy!


monday was all fun in the sun....and rain. we took the boat up to the lake and hung out with some friends for some hearty laughs and delicious barbecue courtesy of my deliciously hot husband. i actually mustered up the courage to step out in a bikini showing off my ever-growing belly and chi-chis. oooh, and i got a really nice tan too.

so far, i've managed to stay nicely toned and stretch mark-free, but i'm becoming increasingly paranoid because i've been seriously slacking with working out and keeping up with my 3x a day routine of slathering myself in cocoa butter. i just don't wanna be so damn greasy all the time and now people are telling me i should be worried about cellulite. sometimes, preserving my sexy is too much. i need a break from cleansers and moisturizers and exfoliaters and toners. and i wanna eat the family pack from taco bell all by myself and wash it down with a giant strawberry shake without worrying about having back titties.

oh, vanity, how i loathe thee.

Labels: my love, new baby business, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:21 PM | |

if you've been paying attention, you know today was the day that we're supposed to find out the baby's sex and blood work and yadda yadda yadda. now, my doctor is super awesome. i've never had a doctor be so fucking nice and actually care about me as a patient and a person. and the place itself is so nice, you really wouldn't know it's a place to get your giney all violated and speculated about. it's just too goddamn good to be true. however, there's this one nurse who i don't particularly care for because she'd been giving me dirty looks since my very first visit, but i never really thought much of it because i'd never dealt with her directly until today.

when homegirl came in and introduced herself and said she was doing my blood work and stuff, she had a stank aura all around her. it was pretty obvious bitch didn't wanna deal with me but i saw that bitch looking at my man and googly-eyed and shit. now, i know how difficult i can be, but i've never met this woman before today and she'd only seen me around the waiting area and receptionist's desk. plus, i've been a very good patient so there's no way she could've gotten any bad info from the other nurses around there. anyhoos, after the intro, Jay immediately got up from my left side [cause he was being all cute and sweet holding my hand and rubbing my belly] and told her that she'd need to draw from my left arm because she'd spend 10 minutes on my right arm looking for a vein that isn't there, and i'll get pissed and it'll turn into an unpretty situation.

tell me why as soon this bitch is done setting up, she comes over to my RIGHT SIDE and asks Jay to move and attempts to put a tourniquet on my RIGHT ARM??? see, that's why i get all disrespectful and loud-mouthed. bitch, you have been given clear directions and you're just gonna ignore that shit. now i gotta get all stank. so, i had to cuss her out and tell her to get somebody in the room to do her job correctly. and Jay just sat there shaking his head and said to her "I told you not to do that."

so, the really pretty asian nurse with really pretty long, jet black hair that i totally wanna steal from her did my all of my labs. i'm almost positive i know her from somewhere, but i just can't put my finger on it.

and y'all, i've gained about 10 pounds overall, and i'm not sure how i feel about that. i've got a cute little baby bump working here, but i know for a fact, that all that weight is in my ass and hips. Jay LOVES it; he tries to sabotage all of my hard work and make me eat foods he knows make my ass bigger [any desert loaded with sugar]. but what he fails to realize is once my ass reaches a certain size, all that weight starts to go elsewhere and then i've got a whole other set of issues to deal with.

oh, before i forget, i'm so not banned from Jay's work anymore and i've gotten all these phone calls from wives thanking me because they FIRED ol' girl for what she did. it looks like they were waiting for her to slip up so they could get rid of her without her being able to file suit against them. and i may have given a few wives [or 7] bitch's home address. mwahahahahaha.

i hope they fuck her shit up.

moving on to the sonogram. Z was a thumbsucker but it looks like we've got a toe sucker this time. and another girl. *happy dance* even though he never actually said it, and i know he's happy as long as the baby is happy and healthy, i think Jay was really hoping for a boy. it was just something about how intensely he was looking at monitor; i just know he was looking for a little penis. and there's something about my babies having their little legs spread eagle for everybody to see all of their little business. put it away. actually, i'm pretty glad there was a clear shot of the little giney cause i would've cried if we would've had to wait until my next visit to find out.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:15 PM | |

my niece's birthday party is this weekend. she'll be turning 7. and of course, she expects me to be there with gifts in tow, especially, "a pretty pink nintendo ds lite with lotsa new games and the pretty lil pink case to keep it safe when [she] drop[s] it" and "some hannah montana stuff".

now, she's still my baby [with an adult attitude] and i don't wanna miss her birthday. you know i'm her "favoritest tia ever" and that kid can hold a grudge like no other, so i don't wanna disappoint her. plus, there's gonna be one of those inflatable air jump moonwalk thingies. and birthday cake. who doesn't want birthday cake?

buuuttttt, Jay's being all cute and planned a little weekend trip for us since he's gonna be out of town a lot over the next few weeks [SO FUCKING IRRITATING!!] and it'll be nice to have some time alone without interruption from his sister or friends or work......which i've kinda been banned from because i have a problem with hitting and spitting and calling people "dicksweat". but in my defense, that ol' rotten pussy bitch started it when she molested my husband and i know where that whore lives so they can ban me all they want. i don't think they can really ban me though. can they? i mean, i only go to his actual office when i wanna get some afternoon delight which has been pretty frequently the past two weeks or so. but if we're having lunch or whatever, we just meet up somewhere. man, fuck them. they don't know me. fuck yo couch, nigga!

anyhoos, i've been weighing the pros and cons, and right now, the weekend away with Jay has the edge based on sex alone. i'm a horny little she-devil. as a matter of fact, typing this shit is cutting into my dicktime. however, homeboy still has a couple of days to fuck up my good mood and have me on the news for blowing up some shit.


so, did the mommies have a nice mother's day??? i didn't really enjoy it all that much. here's why: as a person cheated out of celebrating mother's day as a mom, i fucking hate that day. and until i actually am a mom, i will continue to hate mother's day. i think my siblings and i made it a good one for my mom. 4 out of 5 us live in different cities away from home, so it's kinda difficult to get all of us together at once when it's not thanksgiving or christmas. so, with her birthday being this month as well, we all planned this big week of nonstop for pampering her beginning mother's day with all of her brats waiting on her hand and foot. except me. my body's busy marinating a little baby over here. i ain't got time ol' girl's bullshit. i'm joking, but seriously, all i did was cook, vacuum, and take all the dogs out. besides that, all i did was nap. but yeah, we all decided to pay for her to have her own housekeeper, cook, driver, a spa day, and a man-bitch for the rest of the week. oh, she got some flowers and a card too. so, i kinda went over this month's budget buying gifts and shit. Jay's gonna be so mad at me but i don't really care. he's always bitching about money, but he actually spends a lot more than i do with his little toys and shit. the fuck do you a boat for when we go fishing once, maybe twice a year? ugh. i just wanna twist his ear off.

oh, happy times: i can actually feel the little one moving around in there now. Jay calls the baby "little deuce" because s/he's our second baby and he's convinced himself that if it's a boy, he'll be named after Jay. yeah, it helps him sleep at night. THAT motherfucker has been going in my bag and stealing my gum and it's really pissing me off because he won't stop! of course, i never really stay mad that long. at least, not mad at him. i really hate that.

ooh, i'm so stoked we find out the baby's sex on thursday. we still haven't decided on any names yet which is kinda stressing me out. i feel like i should already know this stuff. but if i remember correctly, i was around 5 months when Jay and i decided on Zoe's name so i've got a few more weeks before i go into panic mode. i think i'm putting it off because it requires me to think and that just makes my head hurt. i mean, first names i can do, but that has to mesh with middle name which has to flow with the last name. all that shit requires concentration and i'd much rather be getting some penetration. mmkay? kay.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:13 PM | |

i miss starbucks. and mountain dew. ESPECIALLY mountain dew. i can't even enjoy a bag of flamin hot cheetos anymore.

oh, i miss alcohol too. we had a little cinco de mayo fiesta and i bought all the liquor and made all the drinks and i couldn't even take a sip. fuckery, i tell you! fuckery! i keed. i keed. i had all kinds of fun getting other people drunk.

but i do miss my caffeine.

i've got a nice little baby pudge going on here, but, today, i think i look more chunky than pregnant. still no morning sickness, but i've been feeling nauseous and i've not had much of an appetite today. although, i've been craving french fries and gravy and chocolate milk. i don't even like chocolate milk.

i'm pretty sure i'm having a girl. i don't know why, i just have this feeling. gawd, i can't wait to find out for sure. 9 more days, people. 9 more days.

apparently, my old fetal heart monitor is a piece of crap because it would never pick up the baby's heartbeat or it would be really faint. so, i ordered a new one from amazon last week and it arrived today. so, needless to say, i've been crying all day and it's my new best friend. i called Jay at work to let him listen and he was so excited and cute. and then got mad at me for not waiting until he got home from work to listen. psh. whatever. he should be home soon and he's gonna bug the crap outta me all night.

oh oh oh oh! do any of you watch this show??? and i purposely didn't name the show to make you click the link because you HAVE to watch the first 2 episode clips.

don't worry.
i'll wait.

[blogger was being gay and wouldn't let me embed them myself]




mmkay, did you watch?

yeah, that is so my husband. maybe not that extreme, but oh yes, deion sanders and my husband are kindred spirits; except i'm not going for all that shit pilar does. she's so pretty, but hell to the N-O! i don't give a fuck how much money you make and who pays the bills, your stank ass is making that goddamn bed. and i wish a muthafucka would ask me to stop what i'm doing to bring him some tea. the fuck you mean? i might bring it to you when i'm done, but you'll die of thirst waiting for me to bring you some tea when you've got perfectly capable arms and legs. and that scooter? Jay so wanted to get one of those things some time last year but i convinced him not to, but you best believe that will be his first major purchase after we buy a new house so he can fuck up my finely swiffered and waxed floors. thank you, deion. thank. you.

we've found 3 new houses to check out. i'm hoping one of the first 2 will be "it", because the third one is perfect but i couldn't imagine paying what they're asking. even if we get the sellers to go down on the price, half of what they're asking is a bit much. so, it's likely that we'll change the location in which we're looking if none of those work out. have i mentioned how much i hate this whole process? well, i do.

xoxo

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:28 PM | |

hey there. hi there. hello there.

this week has been ridiculous. between my husband being a douche, cussing out dumb bitches at the gas station, and trying to find a home to raise my kids in, i'm fucking exhausted.

you'll all be happy to know that Jay and i finally made up. he told me he'd never been that mad at me as long as we've known each other and he didn't really know how to deal with me, so that's why he pretty much neglected me for 2 1/2 days. i think he just really wanted to fuck and he knew the only way that would happen is if he admitted to being an asshole and begged for forgiveness. it is really weird not being able to kiss him though.

yesterday was errand day. paid all the bills, went grocery shopping [damn near 4 bucks for a gallon of milk!!!], took clothes to the cleaners, and bought a new vacuum because the old one blew up. literally. sometime during all my errand-running, i stopped to fill up the truck [$107!!!!!!]. the station was a bit busy but everyone was moving in and out fairly quickly so there wasn't a really long wait for a pump. after filling up, i got in the truck and my phone rang, so naturally, i answered it. it was my mom calling to update me on my granddad's surgery [all that bacon grease finally caught up with him but all is well]. so, instead of talking on the phone and driving, i just stayed there talking to my mom. then, some lady behind me starts honking his horn.

oh hell no.

so, i stuck my hand out the window and gave her the finger and kept on talking. i guess the old wench wasn't too happy about that, so she started yelling for me to "move [my] fucking car." so i yelled back, "bitch, you should've left home earlier and got here sooner." then she pulled up to my rear bumper as if her little trinket was gonna do some serious damage to my gas-guzzling SUV. i don't think so, darlin. so, just to piss her off even more, i got out and started wiping the windshield v e r y s l o w l y. well, there were bugs on it the blades couldn't reach. so, she caved and pulled over to a different pump. i win.

the whole house-hunting deal discourages me. we'd found 3 new houses to check out. the first 2 were actually decent but they weren't corner lots and i didn't like how close the neighboring houses were and they had pine trees. i hate pine trees. the 3rd house was perfect. it had almost everything we were looking for and what it lacked were things we could add on later. we were gonna look over our finances this weekend to make sure we could afford it and place a bid on it next week, but the couple decided to pull it off the market for whatever reason. ugh. that should've been my house! I WAS ROBBED!!!

***

i'm feeling very anxious today. i still haven't felt the baby move yet, we have 2 more weeks until my next doctor's visit to find out if it's a boy or a girl, and i've come to the realization that i'm absolutely terrified of having another baby. 40 weeks of pregnancy i can do. labor & delivery is a whole other issue. actually, it's not even the labor. it's having to go through all of those weeks of anticipation, all the stages of labor, get to that moment every mother-to-be lives for only to have the doctor look you in the eye and tell you your baby is dead and there's nothing you can do about it.

when i was in labor with Z, everything went relatively smoothly for me. i was way calmer than i thought i would be. i didn't have an epidural because i thought it would be very selfish and i wanted to be able to fully experience the birth of my baby girl. every time a nurse would come in to check on me, they would be trying to roll me over and i was like "the fuck are you doing?" and they'd say "oh, i'm just checking your epidural" and when i'd tell them i didn't have one, they'd think i was so drugged that i didn't know what i was talking about and insist even more that i turn over to let them "take a peek". so, a few nurses left that hospital with their feelings extremely hurt that day/night. [and later on, i disputed the hospital the hospital bill because there was no fucking way i was paying for "services" i didn't even need. you can't charge somebody for having an epidural check when they didn't having a fucking epidural!] the only time i was really unbearable was when i was having contractions. i would scream and cuss and tell everyone i hated them and make them leave the room. when the contraction was over i would cry because everyone left me alone. in between, i was shuffling around the room, cracking jokes, and trying to bribe people to bring me food because those goddamn ice chips were not cutting it. and after finally getting to meet my little mama and taking her home, the first thing i was gonna do was drink a 2 liter mountain dew.

since that didn't work out quite as planned, i'm scarred for life. traumatized! i really don't know if i wanna do a natural birth when october rolls around. i couldn't handle reliving that day all over again. i would rather have a thousand cesarean scars if it meant that my baby would be born alive and well and not a hair harmed on his/her head. i know that's a long time from now but i think about everything past, present, and future with this pregnancy and compare/contrast it to everything that happened when i was carrying Z.

that doesn't make me crazy, right?

Labels: new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:01 PM | |

hi, kids. how you doin?

i'm really enjoying being pregnant-- i officially have a baby bump and no more morning sickness as i'm entering my second trimester-- and my super crazy-awesome husband who likes to run around gliding on the kitchen floor wearing nothin' but socks and kneepads. however, i've been extremely annoyed and easily agitated the past couple of days by other people, but it's not my fault. if people would just leave me alone and not do stupid shit, i wouldn't have to be so mean and bitchy.

WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYY do people feel it's necessary to touch my belly when they find out i'm pregnant? touching me without my consent pisses me off anyway, but now you're violating my baby which just sends me into angry mama bear mode. and you don't fuck with angry mama bears; that shit is dangerous. i didn't like it when i was pregnant before and i don't like it now. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

yesterday, Jay and i met at the park for lunch. while i was waiting for him, i fed the little birds and those feisty squirrels breadcrumbs. then, this pregnant chick and some other dingbat came and sat beside me. i didn't really pay any attention to them until the pregnant one decided to smoke not one, not two, but THREE goddamn cigarettes in a span of 5 minutes. i know it's not any of my business, but she was polluting my baby's air too, so i screamed "stupid bitch" and threw a handful of breadcrumbs at her. seriously, why would anyone smoke while they're pregnant? is satisfying a nicotine craving really more important than the health and life of your baby? what kind of fuckery is that? ugh.

AND THEN, we have Jay forcing me to be all stepford wifey and go to some stupid event that i know absolutely nothing about to make him look good. i really don't mind going cause i haven't gotten to play dress-up in a while and i kinda like hearing all the office gossip and putting faces to names; but i swear, if one person touches my goddamn belly, i'm taking out that whole fucking venue.

oh yeah, peanut says it's lunchtime.

Labels: new baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:37 PM | |

i slept all day friday so i've been awake since like 3am. it was really great sleep too. i can't remember the last time i drooled like that.

have i mentioned Jay and i are looking to buy a house? well, we are. i've been told it's a buyer's market but i don't see how given some of the asking prices of the houses we've looked at. you can't ask for 7 figures on a house that doesn't even have a pool! the fuck?

there was one house that i was deeply in love with until we actually went to see it. it was beautiful on the outside and inside until we walked into the den. TWELVE deer heads mounted on the wall. yeah, they failed to mention that in the description and i don't recall seeing an antler or 50 in any of those pictures on the website. fuck that shit. i'm not living in a house with remnants of dead animals lingering around trying to steal my soul.

but you know what? baby stuff trumps all that. i love love love my new doctor. he's so damn nice and goes above and beyond what's necessary to make me [and Jay] comfortable with him; it's so refreshing.

all is well with the little peanut. s/he looked like a little alien on the sonogram with his/her little big head. even though i haven't felt anything, i did get to see some little movements from him/her. and we heard the little heartbeat and Jay turned into a girl again. i think sonograms generally take about 10 minutes, but i turned it into nearly an hour long event. i couldn't help myself with those little fingers and toes and that little face.

since the visit, i've tried to listen to peanut's heartbeat with the heart monitor i bought when i was pregnant with Z, but it's not picking up anything. =( i'm still not showing but i'm definitely losing some tone in my abs now. i've gained about 4 pounds since my first visit but i'm pretty sure it all went to my ass. i have another round of prenatal testing at my next appointment, but i don't really care because i'll find out if i'm having a boy or a girl. *happy dance*

oh, snap. mortal kombat is on.

Labels: new baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:20 AM | |

since my first trimester is coming to an end, we're gonna start telling folks i'm knocked up. when we were in planning stages of having another baby, i didn't want to tell anyone when it actually happened because i didn't wanna jinx myself. but i talk a lot and this is HUGE news; i've been itching to tell people since i peed on that stick!

when it comes to telling Jay's parents, i told him he would have to do that by himself. i don't want to be within a 50 mile radius of those people when they find out. they took so much joy out of my first pregnancy and i'm NOT letting them ruin this one. to my surprise, Jay said he's not telling them. he's excited to tell his brother and sister and anyone else, but he wants them to find out from anyone but him so that they know how it feels to be excluded from their own family. i'm a bit conflicted because as much as i dislike those two, i really hate the rift that's formed between Jay and his parents; that whole thing was indirectly caused by me. however, i'm a believer in the ethic of reciprocity; never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself. i'm also very childish............they started it!

on a lighter note, my checkup is this Thursday. Jay's supposed to be flying to Detroit that morning but he thinks he can get someone to go in his place so that he doesn't have to miss it. here's a little secret, if Jay does/did leave, there's no way in hell i would go to the doctor without him. when he told me about the business trip, i was upset but i had every intention of rescheduling the appointment. Jay's an active baby daddy, he wants to be a part of every. single. aspect of this pregnancy. i wouldn't deprive him of the chance to get to listen to his baby's heartbeat for the first time and the excitement he feels when he sees his little baby on the monitor when i'm getting a sonogram. but for now, i'm letting him sweat him out and make him think i'm upset about the possibility that he'll miss all of that and more. =)

******

in non-pregnancy-related news, my sinus infection is finally starting to clear up which makes me sooo very happy. i can finally sleep without having 10 pillows to keep my head elevated and it doesn't feel like i have a dozen elephants tap-dancing on my head. yays.

friday, i hung out with a few friends for a girls-night out while Jay was out with his friends. fun fun fun. it was really great to be out and social and laugh about boys and how stupid they are, but i also came to realize my friends are pretty stupid. i'm the youngest, i'm the married one and i've been sucking on the same ol' dick for years yet i'm the one with more knowledge about men in general. i don't care who you are, how you look, what you do--- women have the power in any relationship, whether you're serious or just fuckfriends. we have the pussy, we have the power. men THINK they have it but they don't. any woman can get any man she wants with these 2 little things-- (1) recognizing she's the one with the power and (2) confidence.

in the case of fuckfriends, you spot a guy you wanna tap. go to him and tell him "this is what it is: i wanna fuck, you wanna fuck. when i call you, we'll do what we do and that's it. when it's over, get your shit and leave. don't call me to see how i'm doing. i'll call you when i fuck again, if i wanna fuck you again. and hell no, you are not staying the night, that's how feelings get hurt. this is not a negotiation, it's a notification."

now, let me tell you why this works. the man is intrigued by your approach. very direct. none of that passive shit men are used to getting from women. and for him, the arrangement is win-win. he gets to blow a load and it's no strings attached. secondly, it's a challenge. it's an opportunity for him to be the one to break you, tame the beast, if you will. when you're having sex and he asks whose is it? um, not yours. fuck no. spank his ass and make him call you mama. if he's on top, flip his ass on his back and ride him till he can't say his own name. control is the name of the game. wanna play?

serious relationships. Jay and i are the perfect example because he is whipped to the nth degree. in his mind, he is in total control of our entire relationship; he has is woman in check. i let him think all of that is true but here's why it isn't: never have i ever gone out at 2 in the morning to get him an oreo mcflurry. i get what i want, when i want it, how i want it. he might initially say 'no' to something i've asked, but i always get what i want in the end.

why? because i have the pussy. i have the pussy; therefore, i have the power. sex is a weapon. a deadly weapon. we're a very sexually active couple. Jay is used to getting some every day at least twice a day; if i threaten to withhold his supply, you best believe that sumbitch will fall inline quickly. i don't even have to directly threaten him. i won't even let him know i'm mad at him. just wait until he's starts with his little foreplay game. i'll let him get all hot and bothered and let him think he's gonna fuck. that's when i stop him dead in his tracks, 'no sir. not until i get what i want.' *smile* of course, this is all in regards to things not extremely important.

for those issues that are important, it's all about letting him think he has the upper hand but really all i've done is let him say what i've been saying all along, that way he feels like it was all his idea. but that's only if i don't feel like fighting with him. if it's a battle of who'll give in first, i win because, first, i'm stubborn as hell. secondly, if we're fighting so hard about something to the point where i cry, he's gonna give in. guys hate for girls to cry period. also, tears are a sign that his pussy supply is in jeopardy. again, pussy = power. you made me cry, i'm not giving you any until you make it up to me. and makeup sex ends with things going in my favor. that's not to say there haven't been moments where he's used my dick supply to get what he wants, but that's the exception, not the rule.

but seriously, there's a lot of compromise, but pussy automatically gives the woman the upperhand.

i should write a book. or at least start charging people for this shit.

so, new template. cute right?
i don't know it looks in IE, so you'll have to tell me if something needs to be changed.

kthanksbye. =)

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:13 PM | |

i don't really like the weather here. it's rained every day the past 4 or 5 days. that does not make me happy. not at all.

i've been *attempting* to go through all the stuff we got for Z to figure out what exactly we'll need to buy/register to get for new baby because there were some things i gave away/threw away. it's not going so well. i'll get through 2 or 3 items then turn into a big blubbering mess. it's definitely not been as easy as i initially thought it would be. it's already difficult just because it's all this stuff we never even got a chance to use. then, i have all these feelings of guilt about having another baby. i don't really know how to explain it, i just feel guilty. and angry. and sad. and i'm not sure if any of this is normal. or healthy.

Jay's decided he's gonna stay at his job and put off grad school a little while longer. i'm not really sure how i feel about it. i knew he was gonna pick the job over school simply because he took so long to make a decision. now that he has, i don't know if i really like it. i'm a little scared that whole business world is gonna steal his soul......and mine right along with it. i know he loves what he does, but he's also said he feels like the outcast a lot of the time because he's one of the youngest people there in a high-ranked position. [almost] everyone loves him, but there a lot of times where the age-issue causes a lot of heated verbal disputes, even though it's his age that gives him the edge over competitors. idontknow. it's probably just me being worrisome and trying to protect him even though he doesn't need me to do that.

but anyhoos,we're now looking for a new house to buy and he wants us to find something and be moved in by the end of summer, early fall before the baby arrives. ugh. good luck with that, buddy. i actually do wanna move, but i hope he doesn't expect me to be helping pack and move shit at 6 or 7 months pregnant. psh. i'll tell you what to move but i'm not doing a damn thing.

oh, we still haven't told anyone about the baby yet. although i think people are starting to suspect it with my lack of alcohol consumption, constant sleeping, and gross vomiting. BUT the morning sickness is actually getting better. instead of taking my prenatal vitamins in the morning, i take 'em at night before i fall asleep, and that has made all the difference. and i had to make Jay stop wearing that D&G cologne cause it makes me nauseous. that sucks bunches of oats cause i fucking love it when he wears that. he smells so yummy. or at least he used to. peanut obviously doesn't think so.

this is pretty weird but i've been really bummed that it's still so early in my pregnancy. i'm not showing. i don't feel any movement. i haven't heard his/her heartbeat. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl. i don't know nothin'.

i kinda liked the name Rio for a boy since that's the place of this little one's conception, but Jay hates it. he hates everything i pick. i have no idea what kind of color scheme or theme i wanna go with for the nursery. it definitely won't be pink & black for a girl; that i do know. hmmm....maybe a minty green or blue care bear theme? i love the care bears and almost did that for Z, but pink & black just seemed so perfect for her. i'm very apprehensive about getting too involved with planning so soon. i'm so excited about this baby, but i make a conscious effort to contain all the excitement because i'm afraid everything will go to shit the very moment i start relax and just be.

mmmm.....wendy's.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:56 AM | |

howdy doo!
sorry for the lack of update-age. i've been busy doing nothing.
no, really, i'm battling a nasty sinus infection. my green snot is so sexy. seriously, be jealous.

i am so stoked about the new season of the tudors. it's one of very few shows Jay and i both love and watch together. we're both huge fans of historical dramas, especially those of English history, so this show just rocks my socks. i cannot count the number of times we've watched season 1 since it ended. i would totally let jonathan rhys meyers stick the tip in; he's a pretty hot piece of ass. i don't mind all the timeline inaccuracies, but i really wish they'd put some brown contacts on Natalie Dormer to portray Anne.

the little peanut seems to be doing fine in there. the morning sickness isn't as terrible as it was when i was pregnant with Z, but it can get pretty exhausting. so far, the only odd craving i've been having is chocolate pudding with graham crackers. i've had to send Jay out on a few late-night taco bell and wendy's runs, but only because i was hungry and didn't wanna cook, not pregnancy-related. he is, however, reaping the benefits of my increased sex drive--leaking nose and all.

things seem to be going a LOT smoother with this pregnancy, so that makes me happy. i still have moments of awkwardness and uncertainty, but i'm trying to stay as mellow as possible and enjoy every little bit of pregnancy; i didn't really do that enough with Z and that's something i really regret. i'm extremely anxious to find out what we're having but that won't be for weeks. bleh.

it's almost 3am so i should probably be getting back to bed and watch some infomercials.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:52 AM | |

i've been kinda depressed this week.
depressed by disappointment.
i'm still really disappointed with Jay's lack of reaction to this past weekend's happenings, so rather than call him names and throw stuff at him, i've withdrawn a little. not that withdrawing makes it any better. i expect certain things from him and when he doesn't live up to those expectations, i don't really know what to do but get angry and disappointed.

i've been looking at the wedding pictures we managed to recover and i absolutely hate them. for one, i really do look white. and secondly, they look 10 times after Jay photoshopped them to make them appear "more clear and crisp". he should've just left them as is. ugh.

last night, i found out my sister had a "domestic dispute" with her husband that included him being arrested and spending the night jail. but the most fucked up thing about it, in my opinion, is finding out this wasn't the first time it's happened. my initial reaction was to call some people and have his kneecaps busted. but if she wants to stay with someone who beats her and have her kid go through the same shit we did when we were kids, that's her business. i'm not even going to attempt to help someone who doesn't want my help.

today was a little better since it was my first visit with the new doctor. i really hate filling out those "new patient" forms. why can't they just get all that stuff from my old doctor instead of making me write until my hand falls off? isn't it enough i have sit uncomfortably for 30 minutes because my bladder is about to explode and you assholes won't let me pee AND i'm having to reassure my husband every 5 minutes that it's perfectly okay that i picked another male doctor because he looks at all kinds gineys for a living so it's highly unlikely that he'll take a peek at mine and get a raging boner and molest me? "but what if he sticks his finger up there and he likes it? i've never put my finger in there and then said "no, not today" and walked away."

who gives a fuck? i have to pee!

anyhoos, all is well with the little one. new doctor is actually pretty fucking hot. but he's married. and his hair never moved.

since i won't the sex of the baby for a while, i'm calling him/her "peanut" cause that's what s/he looked like on the sonogram- a tiny little peanut. my little peanut. as cute and sweet as it was to see Jay get all emotional, it was also very funny. it's always funny when boys cry.

i'm due on or around october 15th....that seems like forever away. i don't really have any boy names in mind yet. and i don't wanna let Jay pick a boy's name because he'll pick his own name and i really hate the way it's spelled. it's so retarded.

i like Ava for a girl. or Taylor. or Peyton. see, girls are so much easier. i'm open to suggestions, but don't give me a name you plan to name your own kid in the future cause i'm more likely to steal it.

well, i need to go get dinner started.

xoxo

Labels: my love, new baby business, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:50 PM | |

-i so cannot count. i was off a whole week as to how far along i am. this is week 8. note to self: use a calendar. it helps.

-the baracudas have been calling me NONSTOP. one of them sent me an edible bouquet. it looked so fucking delicious but i threw it away. it's the principle of the matter!

-i am feeling a little insecure about this whole skin color issue. before that, i was actually starting to feel comfortable in my own body. but i feel the need to look darker and wear my hair curly so there is no question about my race/ethnicity. i'm such an idiot.

-my patience for Jay's sister is wearing very thin. i love her, i really do. i just want her to not come over so often. i don't want to see her every. single. day.

-i have this itchy patch of skin on my left forearm. i don't understand why. what did i do wrong?

-i haven't cleaned in like 3 days. i haven't even vacuumed. i think that's a new record for me.

-i've been secretly teaching myself to play guitar. it's a lot harder than it looks. geez.

-my niece was supposed to spend her spring break with me, but my brother decided he wanted her to stay home with him even though she doesn't want to. that really pisses me off.

-i threw up some grapes. looked pretty nasty.

-i've been considering nursing school again. only thing is, i need a couple more undergrad pre-req courses. i don't wanna do undergrad again when i already have a degree. and then there's that whole GRE thing. the GRE can bite me. finally, there's the timing issue. by the timing i'm actually able to start, i probably won't wanna do it anymore.

-Jay is debating whether to go to grad school in chicago, here, or stay at his job. i'm pretty sure he's gonna stick with the job, especially with his contract renewal/negotiation approaching.

-i really like naps. i'm gonna go take one now.

happy st. patty's day. drink for me, please.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:20 PM | |

i've been debating whether or not to blog about my pregnancy. i think i will just because i'm gonna be so consumed with it, it'll be difficult not to. the new baby news has a been very bittersweet for me. i'm not so stressed out this time around, but i do feel a bit overwhelmed with emotion. we'd been trying for several months to get pregnant, so of course i'm excited and can't for all the pregnancy milestones to come.

i took a home pregnancy test just a few nights ago after having a few, but consistent physical symptoms. at exactly12:23AM on march 9-- the exact time and day of Zoe's birth a year ago-- i got those 2 little pink signs that [and couple follow-ups just to be sure] Jay and i had been trying for months to produce. while finding out on that particular day and time made the news allthemore special to Jay, i felt like i somehow cheated Z out of a proper remembrance. i know it sounds odd and maybe it's just the hormones starting to fuck with me, but i feel like i owe that day to Z, but instead it was overshadowed by something else and i feel like i'm a bad mom for letting that happen. i could've slept on my instinct and intuition about being pregnant and waited until the morning to take the test, but i chose that day and time to do it. it makes me feel like an asshole.

on the flip side, things seem to be going well. i've only been a little cranky and only a couple days of morning sickness. no weird cravings yet. we have our first doctor's appointment wednesday. this guy is supposed to be one of the best in the city but we'll see. based on my calculation/guesstimate, i'm about 8 1/2 weeks along and due some time in october. i'm really happy; i think Jay's more excited than i am. so cute. i usually don't bother him at work, but now he calls and texts every other hour to make sure his "little baby and big baby" are okay. i don't really mind it until he calls when i'm trying to sleep. i really don't like being disturbed during a good nap.

keep your fingers crossed for me and hope that i don't screw this one up.
xoxox

Labels: baby business, my love, new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:31 AM | |