i don't really like the weather here. it's rained every day the past 4 or 5 days. that does not make me happy. not at all.

i've been *attempting* to go through all the stuff we got for Z to figure out what exactly we'll need to buy/register to get for new baby because there were some things i gave away/threw away. it's not going so well. i'll get through 2 or 3 items then turn into a big blubbering mess. it's definitely not been as easy as i initially thought it would be. it's already difficult just because it's all this stuff we never even got a chance to use. then, i have all these feelings of guilt about having another baby. i don't really know how to explain it, i just feel guilty. and angry. and sad. and i'm not sure if any of this is normal. or healthy.

Jay's decided he's gonna stay at his job and put off grad school a little while longer. i'm not really sure how i feel about it. i knew he was gonna pick the job over school simply because he took so long to make a decision. now that he has, i don't know if i really like it. i'm a little scared that whole business world is gonna steal his soul......and mine right along with it. i know he loves what he does, but he's also said he feels like the outcast a lot of the time because he's one of the youngest people there in a high-ranked position. [almost] everyone loves him, but there a lot of times where the age-issue causes a lot of heated verbal disputes, even though it's his age that gives him the edge over competitors. idontknow. it's probably just me being worrisome and trying to protect him even though he doesn't need me to do that.

but anyhoos,we're now looking for a new house to buy and he wants us to find something and be moved in by the end of summer, early fall before the baby arrives. ugh. good luck with that, buddy. i actually do wanna move, but i hope he doesn't expect me to be helping pack and move shit at 6 or 7 months pregnant. psh. i'll tell you what to move but i'm not doing a damn thing.

oh, we still haven't told anyone about the baby yet. although i think people are starting to suspect it with my lack of alcohol consumption, constant sleeping, and gross vomiting. BUT the morning sickness is actually getting better. instead of taking my prenatal vitamins in the morning, i take 'em at night before i fall asleep, and that has made all the difference. and i had to make Jay stop wearing that D&G cologne cause it makes me nauseous. that sucks bunches of oats cause i fucking love it when he wears that. he smells so yummy. or at least he used to. peanut obviously doesn't think so.

this is pretty weird but i've been really bummed that it's still so early in my pregnancy. i'm not showing. i don't feel any movement. i haven't heard his/her heartbeat. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl. i don't know nothin'.

i kinda liked the name Rio for a boy since that's the place of this little one's conception, but Jay hates it. he hates everything i pick. i have no idea what kind of color scheme or theme i wanna go with for the nursery. it definitely won't be pink & black for a girl; that i do know. hmmm....maybe a minty green or blue care bear theme? i love the care bears and almost did that for Z, but pink & black just seemed so perfect for her. i'm very apprehensive about getting too involved with planning so soon. i'm so excited about this baby, but i make a conscious effort to contain all the excitement because i'm afraid everything will go to shit the very moment i start relax and just be.

mmmm.....wendy's.

Labels: my love, new baby business, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:56 AM | |