another fun fun fun weekend. Jay was actually supposed to be gone for work for nearly a week, but those plans got scrapped, so i got to have him all to myself for the long weekend.

saturday, some fat bitch threatened to "break [my] little ass in half" at some kids' soccer game. the whole verbal exchange was actually pretty funny; i just don't get why fat chicks are always ragging on "skinny bitches". it's not my goddamn fault you don't know when to put down the twinkies and when to get your ass on a treadmill.

i didn't even wanna go to game, but one of Jay's co-worker's kids thinks Jay is god and kept asking him to come see the kid play and Jay can't say "no" to kids. fat girl started with all the fuckery long before we got there, but for some reason she zeroed in on me when we got there. "and look at this skinny bitch. looking like a damn twig with a balloon around her waist." and of course with me not being able to just shut up and ignore the shit, "at least it's a balloon and not the whole fucking circus, big nasty."

i need to stop fucking with fat bitches cause one of these days, i'm gonna catch a whole gang of those heifers and it's gonna be curtains for me. but until then, i'm still talking shit.

i guess homegirl wasn't expecting me to say anything back because she got all Fat Bastard telling me she's dead sexy and i'm jealous and she'd break me in half. um, you gotta catch me first, busted biscuit. it was really all fun and games until she said i had a weave. i put way too much time and energy in maintaining my hair for people to be assuming it's fake; i'm sensitive about my shit. so from that point on, i wouldn't let her get an insult in. every time she opened her mouth, i roasted her. from those lopsided, knock-off crocs to the whole pizza, 3 servings of nachos, and giant ass cup of DIET coke she devoured. FUCKERY. i've never shut up a big girl before. it made me feel all warm and tingly on the inside. i even got a little applause from the crowd too. when we were leaving, i told her to try not to have a heart attack and die on the way home. yeah, it was mean but she said i had a nappy weave and that's just crossing the line, lady. silky smooth, bitch. silky smooth.


sunday, we just vegged out and watched movies all day and night. well, the movies kinda watched us. between doing the hanky panky, napping, and fawning over the little one, we never made through a single movie. i think my favorite moment was my darling husband falling asleep with his hand on my belly, breathing on my neck when my little mama started to move around. it's those little moments i wish i could catch on film and look back and say "this is when everything about you was all sweet and innocent, before you turned mama's hair all gray." in a close-second was him telling me to take off my clothes and come to bed. heeeeyyyyy!


monday was all fun in the sun....and rain. we took the boat up to the lake and hung out with some friends for some hearty laughs and delicious barbecue courtesy of my deliciously hot husband. i actually mustered up the courage to step out in a bikini showing off my ever-growing belly and chi-chis. oooh, and i got a really nice tan too.

so far, i've managed to stay nicely toned and stretch mark-free, but i'm becoming increasingly paranoid because i've been seriously slacking with working out and keeping up with my 3x a day routine of slathering myself in cocoa butter. i just don't wanna be so damn greasy all the time and now people are telling me i should be worried about cellulite. sometimes, preserving my sexy is too much. i need a break from cleansers and moisturizers and exfoliaters and toners. and i wanna eat the family pack from taco bell all by myself and wash it down with a giant strawberry shake without worrying about having back titties.

oh, vanity, how i loathe thee.

Labels: my love, new baby business, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:21 PM | |